Thursday, 23 June 2011

Writey tighty then...

So this is how we are going to roll. 

You're funny. I'm funny.

We can both write. 

You, like me, have thrown off, or are giving serious thought to throwing off the shackles of the corporate machine, to pursue a freelance writing career.

Well done you - give yourself a big Al Pacino ‘Hoo-hah!'   

FREELANCE WADERS

Having worked as a copywriter for several years I recently leapt into the freelance pond.

It was murky at first but with the help of some friendly freelancers, open minded editors and the endless advice and counsel provided by other freelance writer's blogs, the water and pond skaters have begun to clear. 

Now realising I'm not going to drown, in fact I have acquired some rather fancy freelance waders, I am in the fortunate position of being able to help others who fancy dipping their toes.


ON OFFER

As well as highlighting essential online resources for freelance writers, you can expect top tips on:

1)How to write funny for money - where the real writing jobs are (i.e.not the ones offering $3 for 500 words on animal husbandry)

2)How to pitch your own material to magazines - including mastering the elusive query letter/email 

3)Surefire ways to drive traffic to your blog - without the need to go totally Charlie Sheen  

And this, this is the really good part.

4)Ways to make your writing 25% funnier - that's 50% funnier if you're quite dry

Yes funny, because nothing quite hits the spot like funny.

FRUIT BAT

And because it can't all be work, work, work I will also be offering light relief in the form of posts about my world.

Whether it is a list of things my two-year old left in my shoe or random utterances my partner has said in the bit between sleep and dream (‘mmm government-made chocolate’), it's all relevant.

(By relevant I mean irrelevant).

Ta ta for now




Sunday, 12 June 2011

The Nan-over

Every six weeks or so I wake up with a 'Nan-over'.

A curious condition consisting of sticky eyes, dry mouth, discombobulated thinking and an overriding feeling of being an inadequate parent.

The result of over exposure to the nipper's Grandparents (also known as the 'Poppyrazzi'), my parental responsibilities have been relinquished from the hours of Friday night through to this afternoon. 

In that time I have had: two lie-ins, ten hot cups of tea, an early night and, something quite alien, time to myself.

Meanwhile the nipper has taken delivery of a pink tricycle, a scooter, several rides on those kiddie-bait car rides outside supermarkets, as well as dining on pain au chocolat for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

The remedy for a Nan-over is the following:
  • Stay alert, try not to be tricked into catching up on hours of lost sleep, you will probably feel worse for it.  Plus, this gives them time to put washing on - yes, that means rifling through your dirty undercrackers.

  • Try not to be defensive - so what if your nipper runs to them for comfort for a day? It's their job to spoil their grandchildren and if it gives you time to absorb celebrity gossip, who is to complain? 

  • When your child looks at you as though Jeremy Paxman has suddenly joined their tea party, know that you will soon be back to your tried and tested parenting routine.  That includes letting your toddler play with the contents of the recycling bin/tool box/car cleaning kit if it buys you five mummy minutes to shove a creme egg in your mouth without sharing. 







    Thursday, 9 June 2011

    So 21 months



    Strange subversive scribbles have begun appearing on the walls in our home.

    The daubs are usually below eye level and unpredictable in both whereabouts and content.

    We have nicknamed the artist 'Panksy,' as in the same manner as guerrilla artist Banksy, the scribbles appear seemingly overnight and the originator seems frustrated by society's boundaries, thus refusing to be confined to traditional canvasses, such as scrap paper and colouring books. 

    The blunt, rudimentary instruments used, such as crayons and car keys, also suggest that the artist has difficulty using language, perhaps only communicating in words of one syllable.  Like 'shoes' and 'owls.'

    As yet we have been unable to catch 'Panksy' in the act of self-expression but when that day comes, the artist's tools will be confiscated and visiting rights to the chocolate animal drawer will be withdrawn.

    Creativity is good. In the right place.