Thursday, 9 February 2012

Snowmaggedon – I don’t think snow

I was as ‘snow giddy’ as the next person when nine inches of snow started to settle on south Bucks last Saturday. 

Rushing from window to window, mewing with delight as the white stuff grew from a dusting, to a frosting, to a thick cheese cake layer.  Interrupting our film to watch the latest weather forecast and squealing with delight as twitter updates talked of ‘blocked roads’ and ‘worsening conditions’.   It looked as though The Chilterns was the eye of the perfect snow storm.

Primed for a week long snow-a-thon, when I shivered awake on Sunday, the reality of our snowfall was, well, a bit disappointing.

In sharp contrast to our last two winters, where a full blown ‘snowpocalypse’ caused  school closures, flight cancellations and road chaos, this was more like ‘travel snow’ – small, compact and manageable.  Like a game of ‘Pass the Pigs’; there to entertain you if you wanted it, easily ignored if you didn’t. 

I think the worst incident that happened involved a SMART car ‘falling over’ in High Wycombe. 

A self-confessed Snowzilla, in the build up to this year’s one day snow fest, I did notice a number of snow-induced phenomena amongst myself and my fellow men.

For example, do you recognise any of the following behaviours?   

Stockpiling - one sniff of a snow sprinkle and we’re off to the supermarket to stockpile soup, milk and matches.  You may have just bought your weekly shop but, no, must...fill...shelves...more.   

It even looked as though they were running low on those dodgy cans of ‘Nurishment’ drink in Morrisson’s on Friday.      

Rubbernecking – not content with watching the snow fall on our own patch, curiosity about ‘other people’s snow’ is overwhelming.  On foot, or by car, snow brings with it a need to know what is going on in other parts of your neighbourhood.   A mere rumour of someone ‘putting their 4x4 in a hedge off of Tancred Road’ and we’re there.  With camera phones.

Force-feeding the birds – for many of us, feeding the birds is not our greatest priority in life. We might scrape the bread board of crumbs outside from time to time, or lob the end of an old Battenburg in their direction but that is about it.  However, when the snow arrives, it’s all about hanging as many fat balls from your Forsythia as you can.      

Snow  watching –  when snow falls we suddenly become obsessed with every minutia of snow related information released from the Met Office.  How long is it here for?  When’s it coming back? Is it going to snow at the weekend? Where is it deepest?  How many flakes fell last night? Why is it white? Can I eat it? Tell me, Michael Fish, tell me.

Anti-snowsocial behaviour – according to the Lincolnite, the local Police had to deal with 198 ‘snow related incidents’ at the weekend.  This ranged from piling snow against residents’ doors to throwing snowballs at houses, pedestrians and motorists. 

Yes, with the snow, comes a certain amount of anti-social behaviour.   

However, explaining to my two year old that children hopping about like crazy mud bugs in the street because they are excited is one thing, trying to explain why there is a large snow penis on our neighbour’s car is another.    

Did I miss anything?  What did you think of the snow? 

Do you know what a 'snow penis' is?

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