Sunday, 28 October 2012

The Break-Up

Yes. I admit it.
I haven't done it for six months. Six, long, could-have-travelled-around-the-world but-watched-every-episode-of-Come-Dine-With-Me-Instead-months.   
Between writing, shopping and wiping mushed in custard creams from the antimacassars (don’t have any really but fyi they are those square cloths that Nannas put over the back of their sofas to stop your head soiling their upholstery), at the end of the day, I simply haven't had the energy to do it.
I'm amazed it's still there and hasn't fallen off to be honest. But the other day I checked and there it was. It even looks the same.
I mean, it's sulking but who wouldn't if no one had paid you any attention for this long?
Anyway, enough is enough, there are only so many excuses you make, it is time to pet the neglected elephant in the room.
This is probably going to be ugly. Shall we? 
Hello Blog.
Blog: Oh my god, it is actually you. I didn't recognise you.  I see you had to reset your password it has been so long.
I know, I know. I'm sorry, ok? No one is more disappointed than me. Anyway, I'm here and I am bursting with ...
Blog: Woah, woah back up there Paris Chiltern. You log back in, sorry, break in - I had the locks changed for a reason you know AND your new password is obvious by the way - and expect me to publish when you say? I mean where have you been? What, did the Crazy Horse cabaret not work out for you?
Hey Madam. I’ve been busy. Really busy. A proper busy bee. But I wasn't so busy to realise that I do actually need you.
Blog: You need me?
Yep. You are a string to my bow. The pork pie at my picnic. My unexpected item in my bagging area. You complete me.
Blog: Well seeing as you put it like that. Let’s do this thing big girl. Oh and don’t even think about changing my font. This isn’t a re-branding exercise. Oh and kick some of those spam monkeys to the curb before you start. “I love your blog, it made my life mine at cheap filter,” gah. Jog on you virtual pigeons pecking at the cyber crumbs of my blog cake.    
I’ll go get my virtual feather duster.
It’s hard starting a blog, keeping it up for a while and then, whoops, there you go, four months has passed since your last entry. 
But anything that requires discipline (the gym, a diet, for me, reading a book) is tough.  But in the end, whether you blog for business or pleasure it helps you. If you, like me, have neglected your blog, it’s not too late for you two to work things out.
Five things to blog about when your blog cup has run dry
What’s for dinner? Yep, people are fascinated by the ins and outs of everyone’s lives including what they eat. 
“Mmm, what are you having?”
“We’re having dairylea on toast because I can’t be bothered to go to little Tesco and that in my mind constitutes a warm meal”
“I’ll give you the recipe”.
Learnt something new? I found out what antimacassers are today. No, really? Yes. Tell your audience about something new you have learnt. Easy peasy.
Where’s the dog? No that’s not one.  I am actually wondering where the dog is. In fact I might call my next post 'where’s the dog?'. 
What are you decorating? Maybe nothing. But it’s nice to dream. Write about it.
Say what? I love blogs and books that focus on the inane spoutings of children and people in supermarkets.
For example, our three year old pronounces the word helicopter as 'helitotter' and there is much comedy to be found in faux emergency conversations:
“There are two adults stranded on the north rock face, we’re going to need a winch, alert the helitotter team immediately."
And then next week (ok maybe two weeks) I’ll give you my latest blog – five things that toddlers do that drive you crackers. 
Have you had a break-up with your blog? How did you get your writing groove back?
Come and say hi at my shiny new site


  1. Hi Melissa

    I know the feeling. My blog has been lifeless since June! Not sure how to get back into it, any pointers once you have figured it out will be most welcome!

    1. Hi Edward, great to hear from you. I selfishly seek great comfort in the fact you fell off the blog wagon too :) it's just t

    2. Whoops, see - I've forgotten how the whole thing works! I've missed your blogs though but understand how easy it is for life to take over. Perhaps we should set up an 'I will, if you will' pact once a month?!

  2. Oh, you're back, you're back! How wonderful to hear from you, (Melissa's) Blog. My own blog is clinging to the blogosphere by bleeding fingernails having dwindled from 'Monday morning without fail' to 'Oops, I'd better write something or else sweep the cobwebs off'. Lovely to have you back. Looking forward to hearing you next week. (Rule #1: firm pressure from friendly types helps ensure regularity. That or a daily bowl of Fruit and Fibre.)